FFVII: Adventures in cross-dressing

image by Square Enix

image by Square Enix

I was able to play quite a bit over the holidays, so I apologize for the big jump from last week’s post. Fear not though, there is still plenty of game left to play. Anywho, one of the wackier points of the games when Cloud has to cross dress in order to save Tifa, aka Potential Girlfriend A (the one mentioned in last week’s post as having, “huge tracks of land”). Aeris, Potential Girlfriend B, suggests this course of action, as it is the only way the pair can rescue Tifa from the lecherous Don Corneo.

What follows is an amusing series of mini-games and treasure hunts, as you put together Cloud’s outfit. If you go the extra mileage, and you should, to get the fancier items, it is well worth it. The goal for myself and my fellow bloggers at The Idler was to get the necessary items for Don Corneo to pick Cloud as his special lady for the evening.

Yes. That is correct: the goal is to cross dress so well, that Don Corneo will think Cloud is a real woman. I was successful in my quest, as I gathered the proper dress, wig, perfume, make-up and underwear to convince the Don.

I can’t recall what my feelings were about this when I played through this unique scene as a sixteen-year-old. I’m sure I thought it was a bit strange, but I don’t remember it freaking me out or anything like that. Even today, it is one of the funnier parts of the game, which is good considering what happens next.

After this bit of Some Like It Hot fun, you find out Shinra is going to crush the Sector 7 slum with the metal plate above. The cutscene is killer and kind of scary. The shot of the citizens looking up at the plate about to crush them is pretty serious.

This game has plenty of lows when it comes to its story. I think I pay more attention to images and stories now that I’m older, and I imagine studying film and animation is another reason.

A perk of playing this as an adult is that I am more aware of strategy and better at managing my team. I spent a bunch of time using the Steal material to get some better equipment and to add to my stock pile of items, like Ether. That $&%! is expensive this early in the game. I was also able to steal some handy items, like weapons and armor.

There are a couple of aspects of this game that irk me, however. Mainly, only having three members in your party. I was spoiled as of late by Final Fantasy IV, where I could have five members. Five! I get tired of always having to swap out different characters, or deciding who or who-not to use. One of my favorite parts of Final Fantasy X was the ability to swap characters in mid-battle. I loved that.

And then we have the materia. I’m old school in the sense that I like having characters with set abilities. It makes it easier to pick my party or even to have strategies for fights. But, in FFVII, I have to spend several minutes deciding which character gets what materia. It can be a bit annoying and time consuming, especially once you get weapons with double AP growth.

“If I give Red XIII the Long Range materia, then I can put him in the back row and give him lots of Magic materia. But…crap. Yuffie needs some kind of magic too. Cloud’s sword has double growth, but none of the slots are linked, and I need someone with Restore-All”

And so on.

The materia aspect was, and still is, interesting. It evens everything out for your party when it comes to abilities. Now, anyone could be a magic user (yes, there were precursors to this in FFVI).

But, for as annoying as it can be, it does help that any of your characters can be the “white” or “black” mage. For example, I gave Cloud a Restore-All combo, since I usually rely on his physical attacks, leaving him plenty of magic points to heal the party.

I’m keeping an eye on how I’m “growing” my materia this time too. I didn’t really pay attention to that the last time through.

The story is picking up as well, and I’m getting sucked in. The advantages of playing through again, and age, make this complex story a bit easier to understand. I have clear memories of not understanding the plot too well in my youth.

New characters!

Red XIII—A giant talking dog! What’s not to like?

Yuffie—A ninja girl. She’s handy with the Steal materia.

Where You At?—I just crossed the ocean to another continent after leaving Junon. I scored high enough in the send off to get Cloud’s Force Stealer sword (with double materia growth). Woo hoo!

Disc: 1

Location: Costa Del Sol

Cloud’s level: 23

Timer: 17:10

More next week!

Read Gavin Craig’s week 3 post

Read Andrew Simone’s week 3 post

Archive of all Gamers’ Club posts

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  1. […] return of that despicable lothario, Don Corneo, who was, you’ll remember, the man behind Cloud’s foray into women’s fashion, and a team-up with FFVII‘s own Team Rocket, the Turks. There’s pathos, comedy, and […]



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