Top ten sexy music videos for hipsters & delinquents
You’ve seen Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game.” You’ve seen Christina Aguilera’s “Dirrty.” I have too. And they’re peachy—along with Prince’s “Gett Off,” which is also swell—but for my favorite saucy music video eye candy, I prefer something a little more left-of-center. Perhaps you do too. Perhaps you’d be interested to see some hot people in drag who spit ferocity and passion, or who have body hair and pores. People who roll around on the stage screaming and sweating, or who smolder while barely moving at all. If so, you can proceed below to a list of the offbeat, non-pop music videos and clips that I have deemed überhot with my special sexy wand.
#10. I’m so messed up, I want you here
There is an infamous 1991 performance of “I Wanna Be Your Dog” by Iggy Pop, post-Stooges, which took place in the Paris Olympia music hall in France. At the end of that performance, Pop gets his lad out. I’m not kidding. As Patrick Stewart would say, “You see everything.”
I obliviously bought a bootleg of this concert on VHS in ’92 or ’93, when I was fifteen or sixteen and already a big Iggy Pop / Stooges fan. So imagine me with my purple hair and motorcycle boots, blithely watching Iggy Pop writhe and spasm across the stage, all the while innocently thinking, “Wow, Iggy Pop is so kewl.” And then suddenly down go his jeans and out comes his entire John Thomas, and my gum falls out of my mouth like Short Round in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
I can’t in good conscience post that version here where other young people might see it, but I did locate this lovely short clip that aired on the Old Grey Whistle Test program on BBC2 in 1979, where Iggy is still all writhey, shirtless sinew, as per usual. Rawr.
#9. I’m his alibi
John Waters has made films that are absolutely filthy. But he’s also made a couple family-friendly-ish ones like Hairspray (1988) and Cry-Baby (1990). Cry-Baby starred Johnny Depp fresh off 21 Jump Street, and happens to boast my all-time favorite, cheesecake-sexy, PG-rated musical number.
#8. Time, in quaaludes and red wine
BOW-IE. The man himself. He’s like a Sara Lee pound cake: “Nobody doesn’t like David Bowie.” He has performed many swoon-worthy songs over the years, but few as sensual and unusual as the televised Midnight Special Floor Show performance of “Time,” filmed in 1973 and aired in 1980.
#7. Kiss us hard on the mouth
Regina Spektor can do no wrong in my book—she’s absolutely magical. This country song off her new Live In London Blu-ray is a departure form her usual fare, but oh so good and unique; just like her.
#6. Caught it off the back of a toilet seat
This is probably the most mainstream clip on this list, but boy do I love me some Russell Brand. The song is a rock-parody about venereal disease from the film Get Him to the Greek, but it’s actually really catchy (no pun intended). It is indeed Brand doing his own singing, and fake-rock-star Russell Brand makes me go all moo-eyed. Work-safe except for one little bit, but it’s short. Just pretend it isn’t there. “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.” And by droids, I mean boobs.
#5. The world is watching as I get undressed
There was some kerfuffle recently over a Daisy Chainsaw song being used in a Gossip Girl trailer, and some people my age who held the 90s anthem “Love Your Money” close to their hearts got their indie cred in a twist. I say good for KatieJane Garside—the Daisy Chainsaw frontwoman—and the rest of the band. This means a royalty check for them, as well as potential new listeners. I have always felt they deserved a wider audience. And as an artist friend so astutely pointed out: “If you really like someone’s work, you won’t oppose them earning enough to afford health insurance.”
The members of Daisy Chainsaw regrouped in 2000 to form the cathartic, very sexy and very raw QueenAdreena. Some days, we all wish for a hole to scream into. Most of us can’t, so KatieJane does it for us.
#4. Now, fetch this
The Cramps have been called “greasy,” “sleazy,” and “throbbing.” They are legendary and should need no introduction, but just in case: they are the originators of psychobilly music. However, even that description barely scratches the surface of the innovation and influence they have brought to all punk, goth and rockabilly musicians who’ve followed them.
The Cramps’ lead singer Lux Interior was his own carnal, alien cocktail, with just enough bottle-breaking, androgynous swagger to make him that much more appealing as he growled and gyrated with the microphone inside his mouth. He had a 37-year relationship with wife and Cramps lead guitarist Poison Ivy until his untimely death two years ago. RIP, Lux. This live appearance on the British television show The Tube is from 1986.
#3. We’ll get naked and—
This one is the raunchiest video on the list (so have a stiff drink first; it’s worth it), by alternative dance band Morningwood. Lead singer Chantal Claret—who is married to Mindless Self Indulgence singer Jimmy Urine—was also apparently on Oprah when she was nine years old. Crazy. She is so rockin’ and so fine, it hurts.
#2. Get down, get down, little Henry Lee
Much of what I’ve listed here is bawdy, but it’s not like I don’t have a heart too—quite a big one, in fact; I just keep it well-concealed beneath my bawdy exterior. But this video just rends my heart in two. If a performance makes you want to go make out with the person you love and also weep at the same time, you know it’s got something special, ‘cause that’s hard to pull off simultaneously. It’s said that Nick Cave and PJ Harvey fell in love right before our eyes during this shoot. Dunno if that’s true, but damn it makes good copy, and after watching this—I’d believe it. Thanks to Idler music columnist Mike Vincent for reminding me about this one. Henry Lee – Nick Cave & PJ Harvey
#1. When you only sleep with girls who say they like your music
Oh dear, the Dresden Dolls. I can’t get enough of them or enough of singer Amanda Palmer’s now-solo work. She and Dresden Dolls drummer Brian Viglione are a jaw-dropping duo who had great musical chemistry, as evidenced in this stupendously sexy video. Palmer is now married to author Neil Gaiman, who apart from being an amazing writer, must also be quite an exceptional man to have snagged her.