Watching the watchmen

The first round of the State Farm Home Run Derby lasted two hours. Despite running 3 miles in the gross humidity just before it started, I decided to tweet it — I toweled off first.

Between my own disgusting scent and the presence of the vile Chris Berman (on television — not in my home), I was a little cranky. Not Joe Buck is on cranky, but close.

A selection of tweets, below. You can go check my Twitter feed for everything — including the duds I edited out to make it appear that I am a 1.000 hitter when it comes to the funny. Instead of, you know, .500.

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Chris Berman is wearing the douche uniform: navy blazer, khaki pants. #YoureWithMeLeather

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
I used to have serious lust for Nomar. That’s all dead after his genius observation of HR derby dude: I noticed they were sweating.

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Apparently Chris Berman gets his ties the same place Garth Brooks used to buy his shirts. Someone alert Clinton Kelly!

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Cal Ripken’s head got fat. #SeriousNogginWeightGain

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
I stand corrected, apparently that’s Prince’s son. Good on Prince for not naming his kid, um, Prince. #OrCecil

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Hey is that Big Pun in the bullpen? On the rascal?

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Um, these jerseys are ugly. Like Courtney Love in 1993 ugly. Without the heroin to blame.

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Husband: Those kids do NOT know how to track a ball. #ToughCrowd #ButSeriouslyFirstStepBackKid

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Is Berman calling bombs or porn? He needs to dial down the orgasmo. #SwamiSaysYouCreepMeOut

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Husband wants to see a pitcher’s home run derby. I bet Cliff Lee would win that, too, unless Mike Hampton un-retired.

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Matt Holliday, those shoes are HOTT. I want them for myself.


mario_impemba Mario Impemba
by motheroflight
Apparently there are more announcers than contestants in the home run derby. #toomanypeopletalkingatonce

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Yadi should be a starting pitcher. #ThingsJimLeylandIsThinking

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Curtis has a future after baseball. Love that kid. Great voice, too. #StillStruckOutTooMuchInDetroitTho

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Very helpful of Berman to remember to announce the sponsor of the sign Cano hits. #ThisHitBroughtToYouByMoney

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
A whole lotta Marcus Thames out there. RT @sportspickle: The kids in the outfield field like a bunch of future DHs.

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Ok, it’s a plaid jacket, striped shirt and candy cane tie. If Berman’s personality matched his clothing…I would still wanna hit him.

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Do you think Cano’s dad is really giving Papi good stuff to hit? Gotta be honest — if my kid was in it, too, I’d throw junk.

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Big Papi = Big Pop Up.

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
HONEST ANSWER to how it felt to be named an All-Star: not great, because like 150 people made the team. #fb #GettingTheMilkForFree

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Seriously, we’re talking about Justin Upton like the Home Run Derby MATTERS? Oh, god, they actually believe it matters. #fb

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Prince Fielder just mercifully tried to shut Berman up. He’s definitely my favorite now. Well, NL favorite. #StillLoveYaCabby

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Side note: I ran a quick three miles before the Derby, and I smell TERRIBLE. Hitting the showers after this round.


fakPlasticSpenc Adam Spencer
by motheroflight
RT @Jesus_M_Christ: Lot of prayers for “Please make Chris Berman choke on his microphone” right now. Interesting. For you @motheroflight

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motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Even I only have so much to say about Berman before I want to hit myself. It’s the transitive douche property.

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