My favorite mamas

We all know Claire Huxtable and Roseanne Conner are pretty fantastic big mamas of the small screen, but who will make my list of dream moms?

Linda Belcher of Bob’s Burgers

If I could only pick one TV mama to be my very own, it would have to be Linda Belcher. With big flippy hair, a penchant for sing-narrating everything she’s thinking, and a flair for the dramatic, this burger joint matriarch could very well be my genetic mother (I might be part cartoon). Linda is fantastic and refreshing because she’s so dorkily proud of her kids even and especially when they are doing or saying what others would deem troubling or strange. Tina’s writing erotic fiction about her peers? Linda excitedly responds to the “artsy fartsy” creativity of this hobby exclaiming, “Freaky friend fiction, all right!” When her attempt at producing dinner theatre in the restaurant is poorly reviewed — the set looks like children made it — rather than taking a negative critique negatively, she’s bursting with pride. It was made by children! Her children!

Ms. Belcher is a cool, kooky, sweet, funny mom who loves everything her kids make and do. A bastion of support, jokes, and cuddles, she can be a little over-the-top motherly, but ultimately I admire that she’s so incredibly hard to disappoint. She showers her family of weirdies with respect and accolades that ring perfectly silly and genuine and she does so without asking them to be better. Instead, she can be counted on to accept them and celebrate them as they are. Now, that’s all kinds of “all right!”

Here’s Linda kissing her porcelain collection of babies. Imagine what she’s like with her real kids!

Lorelai Gilmore of Gilmore Girls

Now, I avoided Gilmore Girls like the plague for a long while when it was on the air. It looked like a sappy, stupid mother-daughter fantasy land where mom and kid are best pals who share all their secrets over root beer and pizza. Well, yeah. Okay, Stars Hollow is pretty much a fantasy place and the Lorelais are definitely fantasy women, but once you get past all your cynical Sally stuff (How can they eat junk all the time and never gain weight? How can they watch all the TV and movies and still have time to read Finnegan’s Wake? How could a real mom be that awesome?) you fall in love with the fantasy.

When Lorelai is being a “drag” of a parent it’s often because she’s pushing Rory to be more daring — wear a two piece bathing suit, sneak out of the house. Mama Gilmore does anything and everything to provide for her girl; she supplies Lorelai Junior with all the books, warmth, junk food, and cable channels that a growing woman needs. With a ton of femme knowledge that far surpasses regular mom tricks like “smudge some lipstick on your cheekies!,” Lorelai has all the fashion know-how to make a blah cardigan look like a fetching, but not trying too hard, signature piece. When it comes down to it, L.G. is just your typical total knockout, monied teen mom, who leaves the lap of luxury to live life by her own standards and provide for her daughter in the quaintest most pop culturally saturated existence possible. She knows everything from Muppets to Monet, the Go-Gos to Grey Gardens, and just about any of her spit-fire dialogue is incredibly quotable. I’m not ashamed to say it (anymore), I’d love to be a Gilmore Girl.

Lorelai on motherhood.

Sophia Petrillo of The Golden Girls

I’ve been watching and LOVING The Golden Girls since I was a kid. So, maybe I didn’t get why Rose accidentally buying extra large condoms (and then the grocery guy announcing it for a price check) was hilarious, but everything else translated well, and I’m pretty sure I get that condom joke, now, thank you very much. Even as a girl, I identified with Dorothy (do with that what you will) but you wouldn’t need to be a Dortothy to love her mom, Sophia, and envy their awesomely sarcastic and loving relationship.

Sophia is the perfect little old lady. That grandma shuffle? That wicker bag? A great listener, an old school classic storyteller (“Picture it — Sicily…), and the comedic timing and blunt brashness of Don Rickles. Sassy, sexy, and fun, this lil’ mama is just as comfortable volunteering caring for sickies at the hospital as painting the town red with Mr. Burt Reynolds. She’s the kind of mom who you’d actually want to shack up with you and your best buds, and she’s the kind of mom who will continue to love her “pussycat” daughter with all her wicked little Italian heart. . . even if that daughter has sent her to “the home” at least once before. That’s amore!

A favorite Sophia and Dorothy moment. Why isn’t this MY life?!

Lucille Bluth of Arrested Development

Her? Really? Her? Well, no. I don’t want her to be my mom, but I think she’s really funny. She’s all yours, Baby Buster.

“I don’t care for Gob.”

Mama’s cuttin’ loose!

Ana Holguin writes PopHeart for The Idler.

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